I turned the television off this evening. I couldn’t handle getting pulled into another senseless tragedy in this country surrounding violence, when someone out there feels the deep pain within themselves can only be “erased” through an act of violence on other human beings. Of course, as is often typical, it’s a man that harbors such anger, depression and hostility towards others, unable to confront his own pain and frail humanity while often living a split life virtually through a computer, believing there is somehow an absence of pain there; when in reality, it only compounds the pain all the more. When will we break free of the numbness that has consumed us, seeing lives not for what they are but as something and someone other than ourselves? Another moment when we feel helpless in the face of such tragedy and how often we do when it doesn’t impact us directly.
It’s hard not to have the past week or so as a backdrop when Pope Francis visited the 9/11 memorial in New York City, less than a week prior to the shooting in Oregon this day. Some of his very first words spoken publicly at the memorial were, “The water we see flowing towards that empty pit reminds us of all those lives which fell prey to those who think that destruction, tearing down, is the only way to settle conflicts. It is the silent cry of those who were victims of a mindset which knows only violence, hatred and revenge. A mindset which can only cause pain, suffering, destruction and tears.” Although he speaks of the utter destruction of human life taken on that day back in 2001, in how many other circumstances can they relate? Parents having to make sense of their sons and daughters who will never return home from school, from the streets, from serving in another country. Sons and Daughters, brothers and sisters, never having the opportunity to fulfill whatever it is they were studying and the dreams that had still lied dormant within their souls.
That empty pit, as Pope Francis spoke of, lies deep within all of us, tears running steadily on what seems and appears to be an open wound in our country and in the hearts and souls of so many. It’s hard to fully understand the plight of another and the internal struggle that ensues the human soul. We can get stuck in that mindset that somehow we can erase the pain from our lives and that of the country by eliminating what it is that we hate, undoubtably hate about ourselves and a God that seems to have all but abandoned. Yet, the path of conversion and the descent into the soul takes us on such a painful journey within ourselves where we can move to less reaction to the world while becoming more aware of our own hurt, knowing that deep within that pain is the place of great gift that we have to offer to the world. Yet, we avoid it, shun it, hate it, bury it, try to rid ourselves of it, unable to face what has hurt us the most, leaving us with never-ending violence in our lives, on our streets, in our classrooms, in our homes, and around the world.
It’s hard to understand the call for further violence in the world once you begin to understand and learn from it within yourself, seeking healing and reconciliation rather than blame or victimhood. As a matter of fact, all you can do is cry with the world, cry with the parents, their siblings, this country, when over and over again we quickly move into debate rather than as Pope Francis had continued last week, “to settle conflicts through dialogue.” We fight about guns and we fight about mental illness, all of which is an illness within itself, shattered egos, when we fail to see the larger vision of this humanity and the divine indwelling, and the lives that are being cheated, stolen, and destroyed, unable to lament our own brokenness and short-sightedness, unable to see the face of this merciful God. It’s hard to understand that all of it takes precedence over a human life, any human life, that has been wounded, that at this time needs to be held, loved, healed, understood, listened to rather than talking over and lost in the realm of policy, self-interests, political gain. Numbers; it’s all that we are to any of that, numbers, votes, dollar signs, whatever way you look at it, the dignity of the human life is lost in the scream of violence that has become second-nature in our lives and world. We find ourselves, over and over again, lost in that bottomless empty pit within ourselves trying to make sense of the tears, trying to understand the pain and hoping that one day there will be peace.
Violence, again. And all I can do is weep.